he told me I talked like a deaf person
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
