soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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