He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
