I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
40s are totally the cure
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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