It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Someone signed my nipple.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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