There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
