But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
