I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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