what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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