Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
