I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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