I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Two words: blizzard sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize