If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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