I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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