i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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