i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
