If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
