it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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