the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
