I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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