I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
