I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
