Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
