Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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