I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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