3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
