I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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