do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
