my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
