He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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