you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
