i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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