ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
