she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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