I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
