she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
