Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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