So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
