he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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