I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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