I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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