I'm gonna have a badass scar
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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