There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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