He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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