I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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