Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
