and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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