we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
