I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
