Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He felt like a one man threesome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
