I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
