you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
