There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize