I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
