I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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