pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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