you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
