she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I've blown a few things in my day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
