i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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