i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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