BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
