i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize