my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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