Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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