She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
