when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
